Preview Mode Links will not work in preview mode

Connectfulness Practice


Jun 12, 2019

In this episode we’re reframing how to prepare parents for parenthood and dispelling the myth that you can't prepare for parenthood. 

Our last few episodes have been about why relationships are difficult and inherited family trauma and as we dive into this content, we keep coming back to how significant the first 3-5 years of a child’s life and if we’re not preparing parents, it’s rippling … and so, we’re talking about creating a movement, a seed planting movement that literally prepares people to become parents.

Rebecca is joined by Elly Taylor, perinatal relationship expert, author and founder of Becoming Us™ and Barb Buckner Suárez, health educator, writer, presenter, couples coach and Becoming Us™ facilitator and mentor. With Elly’s based in Australia, Barb in Portland Oregon, and Rebecca in NY, we’re literally holding a round-the-world, round-table discussion.

Rebecca leads us into the framework for this round-table discussion with a reading from Elly’s book, Becoming Us: 8 Steps to Grow a Family That Thrives

"I discovered this: becoming a family pulls apart that structure of a couple’s partnership; the transition tips them into a new life stage as individuals and a new relationship stage at the same time. Parenthood affects both mother’s and father’s sense of identity and self-esteem; it can change the balance of power in between them and also disrupt their sense of connection."

The Becoming Us™ model harnesses the neurological changes that primes parents for bonding with the baby to create an opportunity for couples to more deeply bond with each other. The model also helps parents learn skills that will help them as they cycle through each transitional stage of life to come. And understanding these stages and planting the seeds may potentially have an impact on the legacy of future generations.

 

In this episode; Elly, Barb and Rebecca discuss:

 

  • How the 8 stages of Becoming Us™ prepare parents for the normal challenges and changes of becoming a family.
  • Debunk the notion that nothing can prepare people for parenthood and we talk about what can.
  • How we're setting expectant and new parents up for failure.
  • Statics show that 92% of couples report increased conflict and differences on the other side of having a baby yet most couples think something is wrong with them!
  • Reframing expectations around how to prepare parents for parenthood and becoming a family.
  • How significant the first 3-5 years of a child’s life are and why.
  • What a secure attachment bond is and how to create that with your child, and how parents are biologically primed to be more securely bonded as a couple as they become parents.
  • The Becoming Us™ model harnesses the neurological changes that primes parents for bonding with the baby to create an opportunity for couples to more deeply bond with each other. The model also helps parents learn skills that will help them as they cycle through each transitional stage of life to come.
  • We break down the 8 stages of Becoming Us™: preparing parents for parenthood, building a nest, managing expectations, setting up base camp, embracing emotions, identity and self-esteem, navigating differences and repair, and intimacy
  • Real life expectations we may have of becoming new parent and how to manage them.
  • Getting support through your community instead of the “system” and why that’s important.
  • Learn the difference between “visitors” vs “helpers” as a new parent.
  • Defining self-care as it directly relates for you, your parenting and your relationship with your partner.
  • How becoming a new family/parent(s) can affect your self-esteem and balance of power in your relationship.
  • Seed planting brings expectations in line with reality. Elly’s vision is to help professionals who work with expecting or new parents to plant seeds and create community to help parents reset their expectation of new normal.

 

Listen to the entire episode to discover your own valuable insights and understanding on this topic and share it with loved ones!

 

Resources: 

Elly’s Book: Becoming Us, 8 Steps to Grow a Family That Thrives

Find out more about Elly’s work on the Becoming Us Family website: https://becomingusfamily.com/

Elly is heading over to the US for a seed planting workshop tour, catch her LIVE trainings in Denver, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Texas, Portland, and a handful of stops through-out California: https://becomingusfamily.com/live-events

Find out more about Barb’s work at https://bbsuarez.com/

Learn more about the upcoming Becoming Us Retreat

 

Thank you to our sponsor, TherapyNotes. Therapists, you can get two free months of TherapyNotes and a free data import after signing up for a free trial by going to www.therapynotes.com and using promo code: connectfulness

 

  

Learn more about Rebecca’s relationship therapy practice and intensive couples retreat experiences in NY at connectfulness.com

Join our Connectfulness® Community connectfulness.com/community

Follow us @connectfulness on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Root in with Rebecca’s Connectfulness® Collective for therapists in private practice at: connectfulness.com/collective